TL;DR (Too Long; Didn't Read)

Don’t play the “What if?” game. It is a slippery slope to hell.

Instead, give thanks for all the high notes, the low notes, and the learning opportunities you have.

Expect mistakes. Give grace. Then get back up, Betty, and keep going.

WHY

Once, when asked what my husband got me for Valentine’s Day, he smugly responded “Every day is Valentine’s Day.”

In the same vein, I do feel every day is an opportunity to give thanks, and there’s something special about a set holiday dedicated to gratitude.

Perhaps it’s the communal knowing that we are lucky beyond belief to live in the country we do–despite the problems it has. We can say what we want, travel where we want, and live our life in the way we want. Is it perfect? Of course not. But there are certainly regions of the world I would never, ever go to because of the loss of freedoms I currently enjoy.

Imagine going to a movie to watch a film, and the protagonist had no struggle, Everything was easy all the time. No growth required. They just showed up every day without purpose and didn't have the drive to achieve anything of meaning to them.

You’d walk out of the theater.

Life, in order for you to appreciate the good, must also be colored with the difficult so that you can appreciate the contrast.

And you can be thankful for ALL of it.

WHAT

It's relatively easy, with the benefit of hindsight, to play the “What If?” game:

• “What if I had taken that job in another city?”
• “What if I hadn’t married that guy?”
• “What if I had chosen an entirely different career path for myself?”

There are a million permutations of this question and it’s such an alluring mind game. And like all mind games, it can spiral you into shame, guilt, and self-loathing.

I have struggled with many of these (and other) “What If?” questions. The only sane conclusion is that I did the best with the tools I had at the time. It also allows for forgiveness and grace (to yourself and those involved in the decision in question).

We all make mistakes.

We make small mistakes.

We make big mistakes.

We make life-altering mistakes.

Welcome to the human race! We are flawed and mistaken-ridden by design.

Humans are born to make errors.

What we are often not taught is how to learn from our errors without mentally whipping our self-esteem and mindset into submission.

The key is to be thankful for the lesson. To be grateful for it. So that you can learn, grow, expand, and evolve.

The point of being grateful for the lesson isn't merely to feel better. If you want to feel better in an instant, you can simply blame others for your misfortune. That delegates all responsibility to other people. If you want to get better (the philosophy of my entire podcast and by extension, my life)–blame yourself.

When you take responsibility for your life and all of the actions and events within it, you get better. The sooner you accept your hand in it, the sooner you can do something about it.

You learn. You evolve. You expand.

HOW

Every year, somewhere between Thanksgiving and New Year’s, I take a few hours to go over my calendar and notebooks to reflect back on the year. What were the big pain points, the big wins, and what did I learn?

The wins are a delight to recount.

• What were the things that really worked in my marriage / parenting / friendships this year?
• What consistent themes or patterns in these verticals that felt like I was gaining momentum?
• What activity / behaviors / actions felt incredible to do?
• How can I do more of them next year?

The learning and the pain points are where the juicy bits are and an opportunity for gratitude and growth. They allow me to triage where I need to focus my growth:

• Where do I still need to be tender with myself / others?
• What requires more healing this year?
• Where did I act out of anger when, in truth, I was scared?
• What are my patterns of behavior when I don’t feel considered / important / heard?

NOW

• Pick a date over the next few weeks (and before the end of the year).
• Set aside one to two hours to review your yearly calendar.
• Ask yourself some of the prompts above and take some time to journal or voice note your answers.
• Build in more joy, more healing, and more learning for 2025.

I hope this exercise will allow you to experience more gratitude, more joy, and more expansion in the year to come. Wishing you a wonderful Thanksgiving and holiday season ahead!

Love,

Stephanie

What I Recommend

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Gift of Health Guide 2024

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