x
Site Logo

Tag: life changes

Mini Pause #40: How to Navigate Big Life Changes

Posted on by stephanie-estima

TL;DR (Too Long; Didn't Read)

Perimenopause is the great architect and driver of change. Here’s how I’m currently moving toward living in alignment with what I truly want. This includes selling my house and donating upwards of 40 percent of my clothes!

WHY

Italy changed me. Since coming home this past summer, I’ve had this constant thought of simplification.

  • What does it look like to simplify my life?
  • What would it look like to edit the “stuff” I have collected over the years but do not use?
  • What would it look like to only see my favorite and frequently used clothes in my closet?
  • What if my storage room only had a few items in it?

And the bigger question I have been pondering: Do I really need this size of house?

I mean it is a beautiful house. But if I’m only using 50 percent of it (kitchen, family room, bedrooms and office)–is this really the right place for me to be living?

I sometimes wildly oscillated between “I should probably sell this house” (aka “the right thing to do”) and “But my kitchen counter top is so nice! And I love my bedroom…Maybe I’m over reacting?” (trying to justify staying the same).

And of course I find myself wondering about why my house has all of a sudden become simultaneously so bothersome and important to me. Is it perimenopause?

Maybe.
Probably actually.

I find myself more conscious of evaluating what I am tolerating in my everyday life. In my case, a home too large for my needs, too much “stuff” in every category: kitchen items, clothing, my supplement closet (yes, closet), and shoes I am literally never going to wear again because they pinch my feet and give me blisters.

And so, the long story of it is–I want to get rid of this excess. To me, this editing is just as important as body recomposition–where we are ridding excess fat and putting on muscle. I am getting rid of the excess fat in my life.

So…I sold our house.

I have also (at the time of this newsletter) donated 10 bags of clothes and shoes of my own and my kids’ clothes and shoes to a local shelter.

I am currently writing this sitting among many (many) boxes in my new, smaller, cozier, home and continuing to edit. The many boxes are on the docket to become few.

My current decision tree includes answering questions like:
Do I need 16 water glasses? No. (I need eight tops).
Do I need two different styles of water glasses, both short and tall? Definitely not.
Do I need a full set of wine glasses and champagne glasses when I do not drink either? Again… no.

So while this is a big project (if you have ever had the pleasure of moving, you know it’s incredibly disruptive), I know in a few weeks I’ll feel energetically lighter and more at peace.

Many of you asked me when I returned from Italy how I would continue to apply the “Dolce Vita” once back home, and this is my best answer to that question. I am editing, donating, and deleting things that are no longer serving me and just taking up space.

I am cutting out the excess fat in my life.

WHAT

This is the beginning of what I am informally called my “era of peace,”–despite the chaos of perimenopause, teenagers, selling and moving homes, and continuing to work out like the beast I am.

And while you may not need to turn your life upside down as I temporarily have, there are big life events that will most certainly happen to you, have happened to you, and are going to happen to you.

And these events will be disruptive, emotional, and try to throw you off your game.

Your choice (should you choose to accept it) is to remain at peace, centered, and true to yourself through anything life throws at you.

This moment of time I am in–the disruption, the boxes, the chaos–is precisely why I lift weights. The physical strength I have acquired through the work has also forged mental strength. I can do hard sh*t because I lift heavy sh*t.

And this, my dear Betty, is why you lift the weights, get on the stairmaster when you don’t feel like it, and prioritize recovery when you could just stay on Instagram doom scrolling late into the night.

To get better at life.
Especially when life gets hard.

Perimenopause is the era of great change. Not only are our own bodies changing, but this is a common time for divorce, we often see parents fall ill, and coming to grips with our own mortality is not solved by an afternoon of journaling. These are all weighty matters.

And let me tell you, you don’t get better by wishing yourself stronger. You get better by putting in the reps. At the gym, and in life; day after day, when you feel like it and especially when you don’t.

This is what my mentor Dr. Jeff Spencer taught me. He calls it the difference between the Human Mindset and the Champion Mindset.

  • The Champion Mindset is prepared. She has put in the reps, and when things go sideways (as they often do), she has the physical and mental prowess to forge a solution. She stays the course, even when she doesn’t feel like it.
  • The Human Mindset plays the victim. She blames others for her misfortune, and never takes responsibility for her actions. She wallows, sulks and has no agency over her destiny.

HOW

The question you can ask yourself now is: who do you want to be? Do you want to adopt the Champion or Human mindset? Do you want to be the victor or the victim?

If you've read this far into the newsletter, I’m betting it is the former in both cases–the champion, the victor and the best version of yourself.

That’s what Bettys like you to do. You win.

You find a way to win even when you don’t have a plan. Evenwhen you are scared witless.

Everyone gets scared. But you? You are courageous. (Fun fact, the word courage is derived from the word heart in Latin, French and Old English). To be courageous means to literally act from the heart.

NOW

Accept that life is going to throw curve balls at you that things are going to suck. There will be tears, stress and days you feel like you cannot go on.

And then you’re going to remember who the F you are and you’re going to get busy finding a way to win.

With courage.

Even when you’re scared.

Question of the Week

Q: When will the podcast anniversary giveaway winners be announced?

Our team has been at work behind the scenes choosing winners from the several hundred entries that came in! Thank you to everyone who participated! We appreciate your responses and will be notifying the winners. In the meantime, we’d like to share the Top 5 podcast reviews. These submissions won five extra entries!

  • As a registered dietitian + personal trainer and overall geeky gym goddess myself, Dr. Stephanie is my idol and her podcast, Better! With Dr. Stephanie Estima, is my absolute go-to podcast every.single.time for all my favorite topics (most of my clients are women over 40) with reliable info + the latest science + actionable steps and that I genuinely just really love listening to. If I could only ever listen to one podcast for the rest of my life, this would be it!! Thank you Dr.Stephanie!
  • I have been listening to Dr. Estima’s podcast for about two years. I first read her book, “The Better Body.” Stephanie’s podcasts are filled with scientific data that is explained in a practical way for women in my age group to relate to. I am 45 and have learned how I can better manage my health in my perimenopausal years because of this work. The podcasts I have particularly enjoyed have been about algae consumption benefits, skincare routines, managing sleep disturbances, exercise recommendations, and recovery tools like the sauna and ice bath. I recommended her to friends and my patients (I am a healthcare worker) whenever I can.
  • This is by far one of my top listened-to podcasts. As a fellow chiro, I have followed Stephanie from just about the beginning of her social media career and her information has proven so valuable through the years. I love the simplicity AND the deep dives into the science AND how the science is changing. You can dip back and revisit a topic when needed. You pick apart topics that are so relevant in my practice and in my own life. Thank you for your commitment to help women achieve their BETTER self!
  • I love these podcasts! Finding your channel quite literally changed my life. I’ve struggled with health problems particularly hormonal since I was in my teens. After many years miserable and sick I realized I had to help myself as all doctors did was prescribe medication (it’s their job I know, so no hate), but I knew there had to be a way to truly heal. Dr. Stephanie you have taught me so much and now years on I have a psychological science degree and am a nutritionist who feels amazing and helps others feel good, too!
  • Love the podcast! Dr. Stephanie is easy to listen to and I love how everything is backed by real science. Her knowledge on all things perimenopause has been a huge help for my personal health journey. I’ve read her book and encourage all my friends to do the same. It’s a game changer for a topic that is not widely discussed and impacting so many women. Thanks for all the work that goes into keeping your followers up to date with the latest and greatest on health, nutrition, and movement.

YOUR TURN

I’ll be answering your questions every week right here in the Mini Pause! Let me know what’s on your mind. I’ll be checking for both questions and feedback at support@drstephanieestima.com.

What I Recommend: BON CHARGE

How do you like my mask? No, I’m not trying this on for an early Halloween, but I do like to wear this BON CHARGE Red Light Face Mask because of how it makes my skin look and feel. Using wavelengths of red and near infrared light, this mask:

  • Reduces redness, fine lines and wrinkles, and scars and blemishes.
  • Improves firmness so your skin looks younger.

If you’ve got just 10 minutes, three times a week, that’s all you need to see noticeable results. And if you love this mask as much as I do, you can wear it every day–check your email, do chores, or simply take time to relax while wearing it. You can even adjust the time and light intensity.

Try the BON CHARGE Red Light Face Mask and use code DRSTEPHANIE to get 15% off.

Now Open: EVEN BETTER! Premium Membership Subscription

Members have immediate access to numerous content pieces, with more coming online. The membership benefits were designed with input and insights from my community of women. Here's what you'll find within the membership:

  • Early and ad-free access to the weekly Better! podcasts.
  • A downloadable action guide for each podcast episode.
  • Private “Ask Me Anything” episodes based on member questions.
  • Surprise guests and solo shows only for members.
  • My insights from the guest discussion coupled with recommendations you can use to build habits and routines that support your goals.
  • Bonus content beyond the podcast episodes.
  • Exclusive discounts for brands I love.
  • Being a part of a community with like-minded Bettys!

There are several introductory membership options to fit any budget. Subscribe HERE

Mini Pause #32: 4 Sentences That Will Reframe Your Life

Posted on by stephanie-estima

Changing Your Life Perspective Starts with Questions about Happiness, Decisions, Lessons & Regrets

TL;DR (Too Long; Didn't Read)

  • Happiness is not the absence of problems, it is the ability to deal with them.
  • Feeling sad after making a decision doesn't mean it was the wrong decision.
  • The lesson you struggle with will repeat itself until you learn from it.
  • Never regret a day in your life. Good days give happiness, bad days give experience, the worst day gives lessons, and the best days give memories.

WHY

I’ve been thinking deeply about what really matters to me as of late. If you’ve been following me on Instagram, you’ll know I’ve just come back from Italy, and I had a few revelations while I was there that I would like to share with you.

This was my first vacation in over five years (thanks pandemic), and I find the physical distance traveling creates allows me to think about my day-to-day and if it’s in alignment with what I actually want.

Travel always blesses me with the wisdom that has eluded me. Mostly because I am forced to slow down, walk more, get more sunshine and sleep. I am not in front of my computer with “busy work.” I’m in nature, letting my mind wander.

Here are the following concepts I’ve been talking about lately with friends and family, and I’d like to share them with you, too.

WHAT

  • Happiness is not the absence of problems, it is the ability to deal with them.

Even though I intellectually understand this, it still does not mean I enjoy it when I’m sad. Sadness seems to slow down my thinking, and even my physical body. A true “depression” of function so to speak.

The physical aspects aside, I do think one of things that brings me great joy is the ability to be cognitively flexible with problem solving. While my initial reaction might be to remove the intruding problem as quickly and painlessly as possible, sometimes an elongation of pain and discomfort is required to solve the problem properly and correctly.

And when I do feel I have arrived at the correct way through the issue – even though it might be incredibly uncomfortable – I take great pride that I am doing this in accordance with my values and integrity.

  • Feeling sad after making a decision doesn't mean it was the wrong decision.

This one has been particularly helpful to me in so many aspects of my life! From deciding to close my clinic, going through a divorce, and removing family members from constant contact with me, I have experienced immense sadness and grief from all these events. I questioned myself and my decisions.

“Was it really that bad, Stephanie? Are you overreacting?”

This was a common intrusive thought that replayed itself hundreds of times in my head while going through all of these events. And if I’m being truthful (we’re friends, right?) for years afterward.

But acknowledging the sadness after the decision makes sense to me. Two truths can be held at the same time: I can make a decision more aligned with my future and be sad about a chapter of my life ending. This was one of the most freeing realizations. It is not that the decision was wrong, but that I was grieving the loss of the consequence of that decision.

  • The lesson you struggle with will repeat itself until you learn from it.

You'll date the same guy, attract the same friends, be treated the same way by coworkers, and repeat the same family dynamics over and over again until you can recognise the patterns in your thinking and behavior.

And to be fully transparent – I have done all of these wrong at some point or another.

Parenting for me has been a great example of how we fall back on the level of training when push comes to shove. Your kids are mirrors and opportunities to see your own shortcomings like nothing else!

For me, even though it is hard to admit it, my default was to yell. That was how it was in my childhood home, and even though I SWORE I would never do that, I would catch myself yelling at my boys when I was frustrated and had been pushed over my edge.

I’m not proud of it. But it is what it is.

I kept yelling until I realized it almost always achieves nothing of what you want, and almost certainly destroys what you need. If you’re yelling, it is often a bid for connection, or a reaction to something that scares you.

  • Never regret a day in your life. Good days give happiness, bad days give experience, the worst days give lessons, and the best days give memories.

Even though we have all made mistakes, such is the musical ballad of life. With the sadness and lows, you will also have joyous highs. In fact, one might argue that you cannot fully experience the rapture of the joyous moments without the contrast of the lows.

Spring is not as delightful if it wasn't immediately preceded by winter. The audacious bloom and glory of summer cannot be appreciated with the trepidation of spring. The suggestion of slowness and coziness would not be so inviting if not for the expansion and extroversion of summer. And the sharp crispness of winter cannot be fully appreciated without the messiness of fall leaves.

Love and grief move together in opposition, just like happiness and sadness, dreams and memories.

We will have good and bad days. Best days and worst days. They all matter and they all need to be experienced.

HOW

I invite you to reflect on some of the concepts I’ve shared here. Maybe one really resonates, maybe more than one. Think about how you want to be showing up in your life, and how this compares with how you are actually showing up.

  • Is there congruence and alignment? Is there room for improvement?
  • If there is room for improvement, how exactly?
  • Could you journal about this? Use specific examples of where you would have liked to respond better?

NOW

Repetition is often the key to lasting change. Write one of these sentences down where you will see it every day. Maybe a sticky note by your computer, a note on your phone, or an automated email you send to yourself every morning.

Being exposed to the concept over and over is the key to the softening, and letting the message in.

Insights from the Bettyverse

This week, I took your questions on Instagram so I could share some of your feedback here. I appreciate how so many of you have taken the time to write in. It means the world to me that you’re finding value in my teaching.

  • I'm loving the Saturday ‘Mini Pause' emails. I'm recently in menopause and being a nutritionist and a strength coach, and 53, I'm loving everything. And I love reading the newest on the menopause front. I have many clients in the peri-period, so I love reading new information to pass on to them as well. Thank you! ~Josephine
  • I just wanted to send my appreciation for these newsletters. They are informative and relevant and I have forwarded them to a number of my peri and meno friends, family and clients. Thank you so much! ~Natasha
  • I would first like to tell you how much I enjoy your podcast for the usefulness and relevant information and your personal opinions and advice. I have been a caregiver now for family members for about 10 years. I am now perimenopausal. I have started down a path of self care that has led me into looking for alternative ways to deal with my health issues. I enjoy your content and opinions and your empathy and honesty. I find the metabolic, inflammation, diet, exercise, energy production and menopause advice episodes you already provide are perfect, so please continue on those topics. ~Grace
  • I'm and have been a big fan of yours. Thank you for the wealth of knowledge and info shared with us all this time that has helped me make adjustments to my personal care routine. ~Virginia

YOUR TURN!

I’ll be answering your questions every week right here in the Mini Pause! Let me know what’s on your mind. I’ll be checking for both questions and feedback at support@drstephanieestima.com.

What I Recommend: The Golden Secrets

If you followed along my recent trip to Italy, you’ll know that I took travel sizes of The Golden Secrets skin and body products. Well, I LOVE LOVE LOVE the Youth Beauty Facial Oil!

This luscious oil helps restore your skin’s natural protective barrier, while also boosting collagen production and encouraging your cells to regenerate.

It does this with a Top 10 of high-performance plant botanicals rich in natural trans-retinoic acid, vitamins, minerals, and antioxidants: Helichrysum, Carrot Seed, Frankincense, Rose Geranium, Golden Jojoba Oil, Lavender, Pomegranate, Rosehip Oil, Vitamin E, and Co2 Extraction Sea Buckthorn Oil.

Take a look at The Golden Secrets Youth Beauty Face Oil and the full skin and body care lines HERE. Use code DRSTEPHANIE10 and save 10%.

P.S.

Snack choices! Protein + Energy

When you’re looking for a quick snack, you’ll want to flood your body with natural, energizing vitamins and minerals for a complete reboot of your energy system. As a go-to, I like Paleovalley’s 100% grass fed and finished beef sticks. These clean protein boosts are just so easy; you can take them anywhere!

Paleovalley is known for creating clean products that give you as many nutrients from whole foods as possible, and nothing else. No processed ingredients or synthetic fillers. Just whole foods in a form that can fit into busy lifestyles.

Paleovalley is celebrating its 11-year anniversary! Click HERE to check out all their beef stick flavors. A discount will be auto-applied at checkout.